It takes a special horse to do these things with.  That is safe in traffic, with excited kids who insist on yelling, "HORSE!" at the top of their lungs and with all the scary stuff normal horses are afriad of.  I wouldn't do this with any horse.  But I love Errika, know her very well and we trust eachother.  She's such a champ, with an active mind.  She's not a dead-broke, lully-gaging horse.  She's curious, happy and loves to explore as much as I do.  Up and down hills, through creeks, down neighborhood roads, to the local 7-eleven...hehe. 

If she was younger, I'd consider a trip across the U.S.  She would have been an absolute perfect mount of such a thing.  Being Arab she's always had energy to spare and is hardy as...an ox.  I can't do that, but I can do mini trips through the hills and down the roads. :)

Errika and I have had 7 years together.  I love her with all my heart!

We took a short trip to the beach on Saturday.  What a nice time it was.  Kind of lonely, but nice.  Errika was a wild thing throughout the whole stay on the sand.  I asked for one good gallop, but held her back quite a bit because we haven't been doing much lately.  What a trooper she was. 

Three months ago, today, I lost one of the most important things in my life.  I feel as though that part of my life is gone, left me the day I lost Ink.  Errika has been my closest thing to that part of my 'past' life and to Ink.  Sharing this life with her, without Ink has been weird.  Even when they were separated by barns for that brief period, or even by living situations within the barns we've boarded at, they were never apart.  Always connected to each other someway, somehow.  They would always love seeing each other when they'd come together for a ride or when I'd work both of them together.  I always knew and believed they were best friends and loved each other as much as I loved them, but I never knew how much until Ink was no longer around.  

When I go to the barn to see Reason, I don't feel that void.  I feel sad and I think a lot about Ink because everything there reminds me of him.  Reason has his old paddock, stall and all my tack and equipment was most likely purchased over the span I had Ink.  But in some ways, it's comforting to know this was Ink's last resting place.  Sometimes I still feel he is there, looking on and watching Reason and I on a familiar path.  

When I see Errika, every time, a part of my heart sinks.  I don't think this will ever go away.  I don't know if I'm feeling what she is, or if seeing her automatically brings up so many memories, mostly of the two of them.  Errika impacted Ink's life so dramatically, yet perfectly.  She was gentle and kind to Ink, but quick to turn away when she needed to.  He was always quick to follow.  Even when he was naughty or pushy with her, she would walk away and he'd chase after he begging for forgiveness.  But when she needed his defense or protection for what may lurk around the corner, he always wanted to protect her.  She stood confident for them both, while he was learning what confidence was.  It was funny to see Ink prance ahead like a stallion, snorting and ready to take on what may come, but once he was truly faced with whatever was threatening, he would run and hide aside Errika.  She'd remain calm and secure, teaching Ink about all the world.  To watch this alone unfold, was truly special.  I give Errika a lot of the credit for being Ink's first teacher.  

What Errika gave to Ink most, was companionship.  A thing that even I couldn't replace.  To have Ink socialize and connect with a fellow horse, who was everything he needed in a companion, was priceless.  It was a great time for him while he was coming down off the track.  It was a great start to his new life.

When Ink passed away, the first place I wanted to be was with Errika.  I knew she knew what had happened.  For weeks thereafter, Errika was not quite herself.  I was honestly a little concerned about her.  She was mopey and wouldn't be at her stall door waiting for breakfast when I'd go to feed, her normal routine.  Seeing her made all what had happened, more real.  It was heartbreaking to know that they weren't going to see each other anymore.  And it sealed the closing of Inks' amazing life and story.

Ink was more like a person than a horse.  In some ways.  He was so amazingly insightful.  He was so wise.  There are countless times where I'd stare at him and wonder who he was and how I was so lucky to have him in my life.  You know how they say that a horse's eyes are the window to the soul?  This was so true for Ink, but even then some.  There was so much life behind his eyes.  So much understanding of the world that I could not comprehend.  He amazed me everyday.  

You know how it feels like when you can trust a horse, when you connect with it and know that no matter what they will take care of you?  I dreamed and worked each day to have this with Ink.  There is nothing more I wanted than that.  

I spent the first year of owning Ink, afraid of his wild, full-boar kicking habit, biting and overall intimidating stature.  There are some days where I spent hours on end trying to figure out how to get through to him. Countless days where I'd come home in the beginning, not with doubt in my own head, but that from others around me.  In the end, I trusted him the way I always wanted to.  I learned to understand him and most importantly he taught me to stay true to what you believe in.  

Ink came so far.  He was amazing.  I can only think of the things we would be doing now.  And to think of what he was like when he arrived home.  It makes me so proud to have experienced that last four years of his life with him.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Sometimes I feel lost without him.  Sometimes I dream of him running along Errika and I.  Sometimes I dream of that day when I sat on him bareback without a halter, the thoughts of him from day one, month one, running through my head.  I love him so much.

Nothing seems the same anymore.  But change happens and sometimes it's good.   

I'll still blog about Errika and continue to write things about Ink, because there is still so much left to say.  But, I might be moving Reason's blog to appear fore-front.

Anyway, hope you all enjoy reading about Reason!

I've also vowed to take more photos from my Canon, not from my iphone because I'm picky about the quality.. 

More soon!

Although I feel completely safe on my near bomb-proof 27 year old, it's still no excuse for me not to have one on.  I forgot it at the barn :(.  I know, no excuses..

Errika spent the weekend, from Friday to Wednesday having a "sleep-over" at the barn (WCS, where Reason is and Ink was boarded and the horses were boarded last year).  Errika's barn mates at the barn in the hills, left for a rodeo and I didn't want to leave Errika up there alone. 

Errika was a great girl on the tow over and when she arrived, she stepped off the trailer with an ease of familiarity on her face.  She stayed in a grazing paddock that runs the length of the bottom of the upper paddocks.  She stayed with her old paddock-mate KC, who is an older cougar mare herself ;).

As soon as I put Errika into the paddock, her and KC greeted each-other, as if they'd been together all the time and walked off and ate grass.  The sight of those two remebering each-other and were completely at ease, was so sweet to see!

Errika enjoyed a quiet day grazing before that evening's, Full Moon Rider's Club, at the barn.  It was lots of fun!  Errika was being a little wild when I went to go actually ride her in the arena, but she was understandably un-interested in doing any such thing in there. 

The next day I rode her bareback around the property.  But I think she truly enjoyed just being a pasture pet, getting a grass belly with her friend, lol. 

Yesterday, it was time for Errika to return to the barn in the hills.  And I figured, since it was on our way, we would stop at my house to take a short ride around the neighborhood.  Ever since I've owned Errika, I have ALWAYS wanted to do this!  I wish we could have went on a longer ride and hung out longer, but it was still LOTS of fun!  

Errika is a very herd-bound horse, but since Ink and her were seperated, I've noticed a change in her.  I clung pretty close to her after Ink's passing and being with her helped me move forward.  I really wanted to develop a closer bond with her again.  Since she's been with Ink and when I was riding him a lot, Errika and I haven't been as close as we used to be.  So I think that after Ink's passing, it was really a blessing and a great time to re-kindle (lol) our relationship.  

So when I un-loaded Errika at my house, I was delightfully pleased to see how calm and curious she was.  Such a good girl!  I mounted up bareback and took a spin around the block.  She was so good!!  I have loved doing all these fun and different things with her and I know she does too.  

This weekend, A* & I are going to take the horses on another adventure.  We haven't decided what exactly, but it's going to be something new & fun.  (:  

I'm so thankful to have Errika.  

Well I did come up with a new name for the new horse; Reason!  I was thinking about the phrase, or saying, "everything happens for a reason."  It seemed the to fit my life, what happened and what is happening.  I've always believed in that saying.  My Grandma O. believed very much in it too.  I had to come up with something very meaningful afterall.  I had to do Ink proud.  And I think I did.  Originally I had come up with the Italian version of "Reason."  Ragione.  I'm not sure if I'll stick with it or not, but for now, I'm just calling him Reason. 

The first couple days of owning Reason, I have to admit were personally very difficult.  Everything smeed so familiar.  Everything about Reason's track-ness reminded me so much of what I had experienced with Ink.  And even though Reason is much more innocent, approachable and sweet, than Ink was in the beginning, I was constantly being reminded of those first, un-predictable, un-known days with Ink.  I started the blog about Ink about a month + after I owned him and I made the mistake of not documenting out those first 40 or so days.  (Although I am a little behind with Reason's progress, I plan on being more thorough through these first few months.)

I was so confident, so sure of what I knew Ink was.  But he had a lot of scars and bruises visible on the outside.  It took a lot of convincing and much time to get people to even believe in me.  And in the beginning I was very much alone in what I felt and believed in.  I knew the amazing horse beneath the front.  Ink was not an easy horse to get to know.  It took a lot of letting him be him while encouraging him to let me in before he would even care much about who or what I was about.  He was defiantly an independent horse.  He had a rough, tough, don't care attitude, much like a troubled teen I supposed.  I had to open myself to see his way, before I could attempt to be welcomed.  Once that happened, things fell smoothly into place.  He tested to high heaven, pushed me outside of my comfort zone and made me work for everything and for all of him, but in the end, nearly 4 years later, I truly felt we made it.  I understood him, he understood me.  He went from an intimidating, independent horse to the horse I could trust to carry me and be with and even do things that four years ago were just out of the question.  He was so special and he is proof in the great things that can happen when you do believe.  I am beyond thankful, that we were able to get to that place before he passed.  

Each day I feel Ink with me.  Silently I confide in him to carry me forward with my new horse.  I remember things that I experienced with Ink and it gives me strength to push myself and be the best I can be for Reason.  I see so much of the same spirit in Reason.

I've been thinking about the blog.  It will stay at inkeq.com but I think I might start a separate blog within the site to write about Reason.  So then it will begin a new archive but still be all located in one location.

I'll let you all know soon.  And regular posts about Reason are coming! :)

I've missed Ink more than anything.  My horse who had my heart and soul, who was my life.  Loss is never easy, it never will be.  I'd give anything just to see his face again.  I feel empty and I feel as if I have been lead off of one path and onto another, the transition has been good, but is not at all easy and I find myself more sensitive and upset than I have been since I lost Ink.  To go on without this part of me, is just crushing me inside.

I made a new friend, un-expectedly on Sunday.  Four years ago when I knew I wanted an OTTB, I had the support and guidance to a source from a friend.  This friend, lead me to TBFriends, where I then fell in love with Ink, through a photograph over the TBFriends website.  Now, almost the same time of year, four years later, I saw this friend again as I went into her tack shop to buy Errika a new bit.  I told her what had happened to Ink.  She then went on to show me a photograph of a big, dark bay gelding, a friend of her's had up for adoption locally.  Matt was with me and his first word was "Wow" and mine was mutual.  My friend gave me the ladies number and I called later that day.  I had a feeling I wanted to or was going to see a horse that day.  And when I got ahold of the owner, I was out looking at the horse under an hour later. 

As Matt and I pulled up to the driveway of the barn where this horse was kept, I saw him.  He was tall, proud and struck something in me.  Quite quickly, I knew that this was the horse I was lead to find.  Things fell into place really well, including the fact that the owner knew Matt's family and that Matt had done work through his employer at this very exact barn only weeks prior. 

The next day, this big, dark bay gelding was at the barn, home.  That fast it happened. 

To give a little insight on this horse,( I have no idea what to name him as of yet!)..  He's only 3 weeks off the track and came off with a mild bowed tendon on the left front.  He's 4 years old, 16.3hh and overall just a big horse.  He has an innocent, sweet disposition with personality.

I was expecting an OTTB to come into my life really.  If it did it was supposed to happen, but I was not exactly out there looking at off track horses, especially this fresh.

My aunt, who I share many similarities with, found out I had gotten a new horse.  She asked my mom about it and as my mom starts to show her a photo and explain, my aunt is shocked.  My mom told me that my aunt dreamed about my new horse being a dark bay with the white markings on the face, almost identical to what the horse looks like.  Talk about way cool and crazy!

I also want to update on Errika, who's been my rock of a horse for 7+ years now.  I am thankful and lucky to have her through everything and I am so happy to be enjoying a little fun with her.  - We are going to a play-day/schooling show this weekend!  I have no idea what we're going to do, but I'm excited.  She's looking great, feeling great and I'm just so happy to have her!  Love you my girl.

Picture of the new horse.  More to come, I couldn't upload the rest for some reason?

I made Ink a memorial video.  It was hard to put together.  I am glad I was home alone, because tears fell like they hadn't since the days after his passing.  The music is Fields of Gold sung by the beautiful, harmonious voice of Eva Cassidy.  I picked this song because I felt that it was just right for Ink.  He took me through fields of gold.  And it just so happened to come together perfectly with the poem.  I couldn't make a longer video because it was hard enough just doing 5 minutes.  I wanted to make it very personal and I hope you enjoy this added glimpse into Ink's life. 

I believe that for the last year, Ink and I shared a deeper connection, that maybe I wasn't truly understanding.  He was telling me everyday.  When I was at A's* barn a year ago, you had to walk around a corner to the upper paddocks where Ink was kept.  I would look, quickly scanning the paddock as soon as I could see any part of it, for Ink.  Was he OK?  What would I find when I got there?  Ink was never anything but fine when I would go see him, and after hundreds of times walking around the corner to find him looking just as he should, you would think I would have been getting over this weird, obsessive feeling.  At times I felt like I was going crazy.  You have to remember this was all in a part of my mind.  I rarely, if ever, shared this with anyone.  Because I didn't truly understand it, nor did I think anyone else would.  

In my mind I made sure all the bases were covered.  And like my friend told me, a horse whose being well-kept and watched over properly isn't likely to colic, at least from things we CAN control.  I was like an over-bearing mom.  I remember writing that on the blog, using that exact word, one time because I suddenly felt this urge and NEED to hold Ink closer than ever.  I suddenly felt like I needed to protect him from anything and everything.  But at the same time, I felt powerless.  And looking at all these things that are now coming together, it makes sense.  I felt powerless because what would be the thing to take my beautiful horse away, was something I couldn't control.  It was something that I wouldn't discover until it was time to say goodbye.  

Ink passed away because, even though it's still hard for me to realize, it was his time.  This is very hard for me to say and even harder to read.  I just wrote that, but at the same time, I'm at peace, with a deep understanding of the greater purpose.  

When the vets and students at UCD did a necropsy, they found a rare and un-usual thing in Ink's abdomen.  They found a fatty ring which was, somehow contracting the small intestine.  Basically the small intestine would slip inside this fatty ring and then slide out.  That Sunday the small intestine became lodged, unable to slide itself back out.  At this point a part of the lodged small intestine was starting to die off.  

Ink held me close during the entire process.  I was faced with realities and the truths that were being passed to me through Ink, which was hard to process entirely.  I knew it was time, I knew deep down that this was going to be the last day with my beautiful Ink.  

"There is something about the outside of the horse, that is good for the inside of a man." - Winston Churchill

To Be Continued..

Thank You to my many wonderful friends, family and readers.  I am so grateful to have had such an amazing circle of supportive people in my life.  Thank You all.

Goodbye my love, my boy, my friend, my special Ink.  I will always remember you for your strength, courage and determination.  I am blessed and thankful for the time we had together.

xoxo  your number one fan, your mom, Keri.